DOT 100 : EVOLUTION

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Tuesday 15/9/2009) 

Day 6 in Lourdes …

You were wheeled back to your room a short while later, still asleep.

The doctor then came in with your scan film. 

Mom motioned for him to talk to Dad and her outside your room. Even though You looked like You were in deep sleep, she did not want to take the risk of You overhearing whatever that was going to be said, especially when it did not feel like it was going to be good.

The doctor broke the news.

“We see an evolution of the original tumor,” he said. 

Pause - for the message to sink in.

Evolution? 

That was the first time Dad and Mom heard of the naughty cell being introduced in that way. 

“There seems to be two unfamiliar images,” he added. 

Two??? 

How Mom could remain standing after hearing that, she will never know. 

All she knew was that whatever life she had left in her was painfully squeezed out of her body, leaving her completely stricken with shock.

There are 2 tumors???

“I’m very sorry,” he finished at last. 

There was a dead and very final ring to his sentence. 

A wailing voice started screeching non-stop in Mom's head.

OMG OMG OMG ...

 

 You're no longer trapped in a cage ...

 

DOT 99 : HYSTERIA

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Day 6 in Lourdes …

Today is your 4th day in Lourdes Hospital.

“We’d like to do a second scan on Daniel …” the doctor informed us when he came to see You first thing in the morning. 

He said that it was not possible for the hemorrhage to cause You to sleep so much. You had been drowsy and sleepy since admission and that was not a normal reaction. The nurse wheeled You in your bed, out to the scan room. 

After the scan, the nurse brought You back to your room. Your eyes were closed. 

Barely 10 minutes passed, when the nurse came back to tell us that the doctor has asked for a third scan, this time with contrast. 

Apparently, the doctor noticed some unfamiliar image.

Unfamiliar image …

That phrase alone was enough to make your mother’s skin crawl and hair stand on ends. Mom threw a glance at You and noticed that You were sleeping quite peacefully. 

You were pushed out again in your bed. 

Dad and Mom waited for You in your room, this time with agitation. 

Dad was staring out of the window while Mom was pacing about, going out of her mind with worry. Hysteria was gnawing at her nerves by the second. 

It was really frightening not knowing what was happening to You.

Your last Chinese New Year in Genting Highlands in Feb 2009.

DOT 98 : SNOOZE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) (Monday 14/9/2009) 

Day 5 in Lourdes …

 

Mom nodded quietly. 

She did not trust herself to say anything. 

We were standing by your bed on one side, with Dad on the other side. We observed that You had slept the whole day through and was likely to sleep through the night as well. 

You did not wake up to eat or even say a word, except to the nurse who came to check on You. Even then, You opened your eyes briefly, and went back to sleep the moment the nurse left. 

Shortly after visiting hours, Aunt Laura and Dad left the hospital.

Mom spent the rest of the night sitting on the companion bed, watching You wearily. 

You were clearly in Snooze Land, resting quite peacefully, oblivious to what was happening around You. 

Alone with You, Mom could not help but wonder about your back pains and was puzzled how You could just continue to lay flat on the bed, with very little movements, for three days straight without any complaints. 

Too tired to reason, or perhaps too afraid to tread on spiritual territory, Mom decided to just leave it alone. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. 

So please ...

Please get up tomorrow ...

Please ... 

 

The last time You visited Kuantan Beach (Feb 2009).

We have not been there since you left on Jan 21, 2010, and there is no reason for us to go there again.

It just will not be the same.

DOT 97 : CALM

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) (Monday 14/9/2009) 

Day 5 in Lourdes …

Today is your 3rd day in Lourdes Hospital.

Dad was at the hotel to help Justine pack. 

Later that day, Dad, Grandma and Justine went to the Grotto before they came to the hospital to visit You. 

Mom assured Justine that we would be back within a few days, that we were just waiting for the hemorrhage to dissolve and allow your body to heal. 

Later that evening, Aunt Laura and Dad sent Grandma and Justine to the train station to catch the night train to Paris. 

They would reach Paris station early the next morning, and would have ample time to get to the airport to take the flight back home to Kuala Lumpur departing around noon.

After seeing them off at the station, Aunt Laura and Dad came to the hospital. Mom always felt better when Aunt Laura was around. She always knew all the right things to say. 

Her calmness was reassuring, her faith unwavering. 

“She knows …” Aunt Laura said.

“She knows what’s happening,” Aunt Laura continued softly.

That was comforting to hear. 

 

 Your last Chinese New Year with us in Kuantan (Feb 2009).

DOT 96 : HEMORRHAGE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) (Sunday 13/9/2009)

Day 4 in Lourdes …

You went for a scan first thing in the morning.

About fifteen minutes later, the nurses wheeled you back to your room. You hardly spoke to Dad and Mom, but continued to sleep the whole day, and would only open your eyes when the nurses called your name and spoke to you. 

On hindsight, You were resting in the spirit.

That morning, a different doctor came to see You. 

The one who attended to You upon admission the evening before, was on night call. 

This present doctor spoke slowly in English, and told us that your scan was normal. 

Yup, he said that. 

Normal ... that was probably the first time we've ever heard of your scan described as normal. Previously in all our experiences with your scans, they were accompanied by frightening reports.

The doctor added that, there was a small hemorrhage here, pointing to the scan, showing the right side of your brain. 

Dad took the opportunity to explain that you hit your head twice on the train, and asked if that could that have caused the bleeding. The doctor said that it was possible but the bleeding was not serious and should heal on its own. 

We were very grateful.

So, for the rest of the day and night, You just slept and slept and slept. You did not even wake up to eat your meals. This is the second day that You have not eaten anything. You were on your drips though. 

Hopefully, You would get a really good rest, and would get up and have a good meal the next day.

Meanwhile, our flight tickets to go home was the following day. It was pretty obvious that You were in no condition to travel. So, the plan was for Grandma and Justine to go home first. Dad, Mom and You would take a later flight, possibly a day or two later, we thought.

We thought wrong. 

 

 open mass at night ... 

on the first day ...

 

DOT 95 : COMPLAINTS

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Saturday, September 12, 2009  

Day 3 in Lourdes …

You slept the rest of the day ... 

and through the night, quite peacefully. You only opened your eyes during periodic checks by the nurses, and went back to sleep right after.

That night, on the companion bed, Mom gloomily re-played the events of the day in her mind over and over again. 

Her head throbbed at the millionth question. 

So many questions, but not one answer. 

Not one good answer. 

You came here with back pains, she reflected to herself, and ended up with head pains too.

It suddenly struck Mom right at that moment that she did not hear You complaint about your back pains the entire day. 

You have been resting and lying in bed, in the hotel and then in the hospital, in one position. Since your slipped disc, You have not been able to lie down flat in one position for long. 

You would be shifting here there, left right, side to side, to try to alleviate the discomfort of your back. 

Today, the whole day, You lay on your back in one position. 

Yet strangely, there had been no complaints at all about your back. 

But your head... 

Dear God, what was going on with the head?

It just did not make sense ... 

 

 Hello God ...

 

DOT 94 : ANGEL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Saturday, September 12, 2009  

Day 3 in Lourdes …

It was hard to see You in pain. 

The discomfort must have been unbearable, although You were lying down quietly the whole time. 

God sent us an angel in the form of Aunt Laura. We bundled You up in the car, and Aunt Laura drove us to Lourdes Hospital, which was thankfully, about 10 minutes away.

At the hospital, Dad and Mom were grateful that the nurses who attended to us were warm and friendly, even though they spoke only a smattering of English. 

Aunt Laura was there to translate and to help us communicate with the doctor, when he came in later to see You. 

It really was not easy to tell the doctor what had happened because Dad and Mom weren’t exactly sure what was happening. 

You had just underwent a craniotomy 3 months ago, your doctor had declared You fit to travel. Then, a week after your op, You experienced excruciating back pains at the spinal end, and a scan revealed a prolapsed of the disc.

You were admitted that evening, with IV drips quite similar to the ones back home. Mom stayed with You that night, Dad went back to the hotel. 

Justine and Grandma were back at the hotel. 

 

 At the souvenir shop ...

 

DOT 93 : HOSPITAL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Saturday, September 12, 2009  

Day 3 in Lourdes …

Mom was awaken by the sound of a knock on the door. 

Dad was still sleeping. It was you. 

You came in, flopped yourself on the bed, one arm rested on your forehead. Your eyes were closed, your face tensed. 

Mom could hardly breathe out of anxiety, as she heard You confirm her worst fears.

“Headache…” You said simply, your arm still on your forehead, your eyes still closed.

“It’ll be okay, we have all your medication here,” Mom assured you immediately. 

She quickly woke Dad up, and told him that You were not well. Dad got up instantly and attended to You, by massaging your forehead to relieve the pain. 

Mom reached for your Grotto water and your pills by the bedside table. 

It was about 7:30am in the morning.

You gulped down your pills and rested. 

Mom opened the window. A breath of fresh cool air filled the room. The sky was very clear, You could tell it was going to be a beautiful day outside. 

However, Our Lady did not allow You to go to the Grotto that day. You were in bed trying to sleep off the head pains. The medication unfortunately, did not relieve your discomfort. 

At about 4 pm, You said, “I want to go to the hospital.” 

 

 On the coach to the train station to Lourdes ...

DOT 92 : STROLL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes (evening) … 

 

Since then, we have learned our lesson. 

After that frightening incident, whenever we took a trip out of town, we would take all your medication with us.

You woke up around 8 pm. 

Mom was stepping on egg shells by then. 

So, when You said You were okay, and that your headache was gone, Mom was so relieved, her eyes welled up with tears. 

You caught the betraying sign, and asked lightly, 

“What’s for dinner?” 

That made her cry and laugh at the same time. 

You were always sensitive to the feelings of people around You. That was your special strength. 

We all went downstairs for a nice hot meal. 

After dessert, we went out for a night stroll around the village. Justine and You had a lot of fun, checking out stuffs at the souvenir shops, while Dad took photos from all angles. 

There certainly was without doubt, a lot of laughter that night. 

Things were clearly back to normal …

… but not for long. 

 

 In the train to Mama Mary's Grotto ...

DOT 91 : AMEN

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes (evening) …  

 

Thankfully, we had packed some medication in case of emergency, steroids to reduce pressure in the brain and anti-fit pills. 

Your doctor would normally prescribe that for a few days, while scheduling You for operation. 

At one time, Justine and You followed Grandma to Penang to attend Uncle C’s wedding in November 2007, and You apparently fell from your bed in the hotel with a loud thud, waking Justine and Grandma up. 

They were shocked to find You on the floor having a seizure. 

Grandma frantically called Mom (in KL) over the phone and said that she could not wake You up.

You can imagine how Dad and Mom felt, getting a call like that, especially when You had never (ever) had a seizure before. 

That was your first time away from us. 

Mom urgently asked Grandma to call Uncle Chris (KL). 

Grandma did. 

Uncle Chris prayed for You over the phone, and after the prayer, Grandma said, at Amen, You opened your eyes. 

Now You can understand why we are reluctant to let You out of our sight. When You went for your church camps, Dad and Mom had to book into a hotel nearby, for our own peace of mind. 

Anyway, we never thought of packing your medication with You on that trip to Penang. 

 In the coach from Paris airport to train station ...

DOT 90 : MEDICATION

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes (evening) …

“Here are your pills, Daniel …”

You were in bed. 

You turned around, stretched your hand out for your medication which You swallowed in one gulp with a glass of water. 

Then You lay back on your pillow, shut your eyes, and tried to take a nap. You did not want to talk, Mom could see that, and she did not attempt to ask or tell You anything. 

Ask … there was plenty she wanted to ask, but tell … she had nothing. 

Anxiously, she tried to reason in her mind what had happened. 

Before You went for the bath, You had agonizing back pains, but ONLY back pains. 

Your head was all good. 

Now, after the bath, your back was apparently worse than before and what was more, the headache had come back.

The headache came back? 

It just did not make sense. 

At all previous times, whenever You say the dreaded word “headache,” it indicated a recurrence. You have never had a headache that went away with two panadols. 

Your headache was always the first sign that the naughty cell had returned, and You had to be treated eventually with an open brain surgery. 

Your last and final surgery was in June 2009. 

That was only 3 months ago. 

It came back already??? 

 

Justine took this photo of You posing in front of the Basilica of the Rosary.

DOT 89 : HEADACHE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes …

You said nothing. 

Instead, You gave her a look of total disillusionment. 

She will never forget that look of disappointment on your face. Before she could say something encouraging, You abruptly turned around and took off. 

You walked fast, like You were hurrying. 

Mom called You, but You continued walking really fast. She half-walked and half-ran after You, kept yelling for You to wait up. 

You ignored her, and continued to walk briskly, taking the route back to the hotel. 

Mom finally caught up with You. Grabbing hold of your arm, she spun You around. She was panting breathlessly as she asked, 

“Daniel, what’s wrong??” 

You did not turn. 

She saw You biting your lip. She had to quicken her steps to walk at your fast pace, as You refused to stop or slow down.

At the entrance of the hotel, Mom pulled at your arm. 

Searching your face, she asked again, 

“What happened? What’s wrong?” 

Without turning to look at your mother, You replied in a short, abrupt monosyllable, that left her cold and numb. She felt her legs gave way as you uttered the dreaded word…

“Headache …” 

 

 If only we could turn back the clock ...

DOT 88 : BATH

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes …

The line at the Ladies were much longer than the Men’s, as a result of which, we only met up with Dad and You at about 3:30 pm. 

What Mom heard about the Bath, that you immerse yourself totally naked with only a plastic wrap around you, in freezing cold ice water, and upon coming out of the water, you’re dry immediately … they are all true. 

There were about 150 ladies who were at the Bath that time, and none had to use a towel to dry themselves. 

Everyone just came out dry. 

Including Mom.

And Grandma.

It felt really good, like a spiritual cleansing.

Justine said, when You came out to meet her, You had a big grin on your face although You were shivering. 

You were like, “Brrrrr, it’s so cold...” apparently.

We had a late lunch at one of the quaint little cafes opposite the Grotto. There, we had the most delicious spaghetti bolognese we have ever tasted in our entire lives. It was lip-smackin’ good. Out of this world. 

Truly, the best we have ever had! 

You seemed to enjoy the food although Mom felt You were a bit preoccupied with your own thoughts.

After lunch, we were walking back to the hotel. 

Mum noticed that You were very quiet. 

You were still having your back pains. 

Mom asked, "What's wrong?" 

Justine and You were entertaining yourselves 

while waiting for the rest of us to meet up ...

DOT 87 : CROISSANTS

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes …

A beautiful morning. 

We had a hearty breakfast of fresh croissants with creamy butter and all kinds of fruit jams, and freshly brewed coffee. 

Justine and You treated yourselves to a few tubs of yogurt and drank milk and juice after the croissants. 

What a treat!

After breakfast, we took a slow walk to the Grotto. 

We stopped by several souvenir shops, snapped photos here, there and everywhere. We wanted to make the most of our short time there. 

We were after all, going home in 3 days’ time ... as planned. 

At 10 am, Mom, Justine and Grandma, followed a small group of pilgrims who were going up the hill leading to the Stations of the Cross. 

You rested on a bench with Dad. You did not feel like walking up the hill at the time because of your back.

At 12 noon, Grandma and Mom went to queue up at the Bath, which would open at 2 pm. 

Aunt Laura, the lady who owns the hotel with her husband Peter, had told us that we'd have to queue as early as 2 hours before opening time, to make sure we "get in."

Justine did not follow, as she was having her ‘best friend.’ 

We all agreed to meet at a certain bench at 3 pm. 

 

 Posing by a souvenir shop ...