DOT 122 : TWINKLE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Friday 18/9/2009) 

Day 9 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 1

(extraction of Mom's email to Aunt J in USA)

 

This morning, at 8:30 am, we were trying to get Daniel to get ready to go to the Grotto. 

The baths would be opened between 9 am - 11 am. 

It took forever to get him ready because he would not sit up. Each time he tried, he would groan and fall back in pain. It's his head. He's feeling the low pressure the doctor warned us about. 

Daniel, seeing my anxiety, made a joke to get a smile out of me, complained that he didn't sleep well last night because I was snoring too loudly. I said, that was his dad. 

He replied, nahhh, it came from my direction. 

I was about to protest when I caught a twinkle in his eye. He was more concerned about my feelings of anguish than his own pain. 

A lump is appearing in my throat as I write. 

It's just not fair.

Finally, at 10:45 am, we managed to get him to wear his pink t-shirt and shorts, and put on his shoes. 

He suddenly sat up, stood up and walked to the escalator, which had a chair in it. He lowered himself slowly on the chair, as the escalator bought us down to the basement. 

From there, we bundled him up in the car, and Laura drove us to the Grotto. Bryan had to run there as the car only had space for me on the passenger seat and with Daniel, lying down behind. 

 

 Dad, Justine and You putting on sunscreen at the beach.

DOT 121 : ASSURANCE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) (evening)

 

Can't You tell the French doctors what to do like You did the Malaysian doctor? Don't You speak French? Mom had thought childishly. Or rather, helplessly.

Your mother said at last, "God performed all those surgeries."

The doctor nodded and said, "Yes, yes ..."

"Before we go home, we would like to take Daniel to the Grotto since we are here," Mom said. 

Hearing that, the doctor agreed to discharge You. 

He said, "You can go to the Grotto. I don't have to keep You here since he can take his medication orally now." 

Giving You your prescription to take home, he sincerely wished us the best. Aunt Laura arrived just then and the doctor communicated to her in French, probably telling her that there was nothing more he could do, and that we could go home. Seeing them talk in low voices, Mom's heart sank deeper into unknown waters.

It did not matter what the doctor said to Aunt Laura because her expression radiated with cheerful assurance as she came over to your bedside.

"Let's go home, Daniel. Mother Mary is waiting for You at the Grotto ..." 

Mom's vision blurred instantly. 

 

 Visiting a special home during the youths' activity.

DOT 120 : EMBARRASS

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) (evening)

 

In the ambulance, Mom sent a text message to Aunt Laura.

It was about 7:30 pm, by the time we arrived at Lourdes Hospital, and You were wheeled to your room. 

Dr R had a word with Dad and Mom outside your room. He said, among others, that he was embarrassed he could not help us further, and that he had no solution as to what to do next.

Embarrassed ...

No Malaysian doctor would say that, no?

Dr R said that he and all the doctors have done all they could, including the specialist in Pao, and that once your condition was more stable, they would do their best to help us bring You home. He mentioned once again, that no doctor in the whole of France would have been able to do an open brain surgery on a child FIVE times (in seven years). 

It must have amazed 'em French doctors that You still managed to retain all your normal functions despite those several delicate brain operations. 

Surely they were aware that JESUS, the physician of all physicians, was present at the operating theater and had overseen ALL your surgeries. 

Did we not pray for HIS hands to be your surgeon's hands during those very crucial moments? God must have refined and retuned your surgeon's skills to handle and exercise exceptional microscopic precision, in each of your surgery.

B-but God, where are You now? 

Your mother's silent plea.

 

 In Genting Highlands (Chinese New Year, Feb 2009)

DOT 119 : REPORTS

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) (evening)

 

Dr D wrote a lengthy report for the doctors at Lourdes Hospital. As detailed as the report written by Dr R from Lourdes Hospital to him. Dad and Mom could not read a word, much to our frustration. 

Both reports were written in French. 

We were advised to hold all the medical documents for our traveling purposes.

On hindsight, perhaps it is best that we were not able to comprehend the contents of those documents. The length itself was already intimidating, what more the contents. 

On top of that, they were hand-written in a foreign language. Just looking at the reports made Mom feel all suspicious and nauseated. 

Could it at all be possible that the documents contained all of the good and none of the bad, but only in a long-winded way? 

Yes, hold that thought, Mom told herself. There was nothing else she could cling on to anyway.

Besides, it is not like we could have done anything differently had we understood the reports at all.

It was about 6 pm when the stretcher came for You. 

Two ambulance assistants transferred You from the bed to the stretcher, before whisking You away. Dad and Mom hurried closely behind. You were pretty much alert and looked relaxed all the way back to Lourdes.

 

Dad, Justine and You at Kuantan Beach ... (2009)

DOT 118 : BEG

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

Dad asked your doctor about your headrush. The doctor said that You could be experiencing low pressure for awhile. He made it sound like it was something that could go away gradually. 

We did not ask further. We were too happy. The doctor then said that arrangements were being made to send You back to Lourdes Hospital. 

Mom could not wait to tell You the good news. 

She burst into your room, all excited, and blurted, "Daniel, guess what?" 

You turned to look at your mother. 

The words came tumbling out of her mouth after that.

"Your doctor said that everything is normal. You're gonna get better. The headrush is normal, it's the low pressure. It'd go off soon ... We're going back to Lourdes ..."

You face lit up as You gave a wide smile. 

For a moment, the multiples were forgotten. 

Forgotten by Mom. 

As for You - You were not aware of their existence. 

You never would ... and never will ... if Mom had her way. 

She was determined to hassle God and beg Him to take that away. Yup, that would seem to be the plan for now. She has no other option but beg The Almighty to spare her Son.

 

 At the airport waiting for our flight to France (Sept 2009).

DOT 117 : NORMAL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

Mom gave You a little squeeze on your hand and said she would be right back. 

She was going to ask the doctor about the headrush, she said. 

About the other thing ... You did not have to know. 

It wasn't your problem to begin with ...

Outside the room, the doctor announced, "The fluid is normal. There is no inflammation. Everything is - normal."

Pause.

What???

Normal???

Everything???

Mom mentally hugged herself. 

Normal. 

That was music to the ears. The fluid was normal. Everything was normal. It felt so good to hear that. 

Excuse me, but how's the results? Oh, normal. And the fluid? That's normal, too. How's everything? Why, everything's normal of course. Just normal. 

What a wonderful word.

Normal. Normal. Normal.

She could not say enough of it.

Normal ...

 

 You with Dad in Malacca (April 2009)

DOT 116 : HEADRUSH

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

You screwed up your face.

Mom asked urgently, "What's wrong?"

You mouthed the words, "Headrush."

The nurses were fussing over You, removing your lines. It was obvious that You did not want them to hear your complaint. 

The doctor had just left the room. 

After the nurses went out, Dad explained that standing up abruptly after lying down for so many days could likely bring on a headrush. 

You gave that a thought, and seemed contented with the explanation.

Mom asked whether it was bad. 

You said, "No, not really."

Dad said, he would check with the doctor anyway. 

You said, "Okay."

Waiting for the results was so exhausting emotionally.

It was almost 5 pm when your doctor finally came to see us. He apologized for the delay, explaining that he was held up at an emergency surgery. 

Dad chatted with the doctor, as both men walked out of your room. 

 

 At Kuantan beach with your sister (Chinese New Year 2009)

 

DOT 115 : PARACETAMOL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) 

 

Dad cheered and Mom clapped. 

Our eyes were fixed on You as we watched your every move. 

That nostalgic moment reminded Mom of the time when You took your first step at ten months old. You made three wobbly steps forward on the carpeted floor in the living room at home, before landing heavily on your bottom with a thump, and that became the hottest news which lasted the next few weeks.

Everyone had a big, big smile on their faces, including the two nurses who had come in to your room, all ready to give You a sponge bath and change your sheets. 

The doctor instructed that the drips be removed and all further medication to be taken orally. Dad found out from the nurses that your medication included paracetamol, anti-inflammatory drugs and steroids. 

Before leaving the room, the doctor informed that the results of the fluid extracted the day before, will be out of noon time.

 

Pause ...

 

Results ...

 

Mom cringed uncomfortably upon hearing the word. 

The cheery mood in the room was instantly switched off, only to be replaced by a, strangely familiar, cold chill.

 

 You with your Aunty Carol and your sister Justine

in Kuantan during Chinese New Year (2009).

 

DOT 114 : HESITANCE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Thursday 17/9/2009) 

Day 8 in Lourdes

6th day in Hospital (Pao) 

 

Good morning!

The doctor greeted cheerfully when he came to your room. 

The clock on the wall showed 8:30 am. 

For the first time since You were admitted, six days ago, Dad and Mom had a really good rest. Your room was spacious, could take in two companion beds, and still had lots of space to move about. 

Not that we wanted to make ourselves too comfortable. In fact, we had just woken up when a nurse came in with your breakfast tray a short while ago.

"Dah-nee-ell," the doctor called your name, in a strong french accent, as he approached your bed. 

"Can You try to stand up?" he said, as he bent over to lower down the bed railing. 

You turned over to Dad and Mom with a look of uncertainty. 

We understood your hesitance perfectly. After all, You have been in bed, immobile literally, for the past several days. Anyone would feel a little queasy even at the thought of sitting up, let alone standing.

The doctor offered You his hand, and gave You a warm smile of assurance. You took his hand, and slowly sat up. Then You swung one leg, and the other, over the edge of the bed, and straightened up. 

Holding both the doctor's hands, You got off the bed and stood up. A little unbalanced at first, but the doctor continued to encourage You, and very quickly, You were standing upright on your own two feet. 

He slowly let go of your hands, so that You were then standing on your own.

That's your Aunty Diana and Dad with You.

In Malacca in Year 2009. Having chicken rice balls for lunch. :D

DOT 113 : DINNER

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Wednesday 16/9/2009) 

Day 7 in Lourdes

5th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

Dad and Mom laughed heartily.

Once again, You effortlessly made light a situation which was otherwise tensed and difficult.

In the evening, Aunt Laura came to the hospital to see You. 

It was so comforting to see Aunt Laura. 

Mom saw her peeking into your room, before she knocked softly. Aunt Laura brought some home cooked rice she fried with tomatoes and zucchini, and tubs of yoghurt, she knew was your favorite. 

You had not eaten for the past five days so You eagerly welcomed your dinner. 

Before You took your first bite, You put your hands together and thank the Lord for your food. 

That unexpected act caught Mom by surprise. 

Your display of such pure and unconditional faith in your Creator, despite the bleak and grim situation, truly touched a cord in your mother's heart.

She was and is so proud of You.

 

On our second day at the Grotto. You had a headache in the afternoon, which went away after your nap. We went for a nice walk that night, with You trying on everything You could get your hands on without getting into trouble, at the souvenir shops. :D

DOT 112 : BATHE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Wednesday 16/9/2009) 

Day 7 in Lourdes

5th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

You turned to look at Mom. 

Mom had a big smile plastered on her face. 

Slowly, You raised your eye-brows, and then quite suddenly, You gave Dad and Mom a brilliant smile. 

After seeing You sleep through five days straight, without waking up, and without any sort of communication with your parents, it sure was the most wonderful sight we have seen since the day You were admitted to Lourdes Hospital.

That really was a beautiful moment.

Whatever hopes your mother has that had sunk below rescue level, began to rapidly rise again.

"You've been sleeping for the past five days, Son," Dad said.

You did not respond immediately. You appeared to be thinking. 

Uncertainly, You asked, "Didn't I bathe?"

Mom replied with a grin, "No, You didn't bathe. You were just sleeping the whole time." 

You looked amused.

Then, putting on an embarrassed expression, You said, 

"I broke my record then ..."

 

 Lighting candles at the Grotto.

DOT 111 : HEALTHY

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Wednesday 16/9/2009) 

Day 7 in Lourdes

5th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

Mom asked again, "No more pain, right?" 

You replied, in a tone that was almost bored, "No." 

Like it was not a big deal. 

Perhaps this time, You thought, the medication was stronger, that's why. You were so used to not getting good news, that perhaps You thought what Mom had to say cannot be anything great. 

All that was about to change. 

Mom couldn't wait to tell You,

"Your back's healed, Daniel. The doctor took a scan this morning and he said your spine is all good." 

The words rushed out. 

You had no reaction and did not respond. 

Mom continued brightly, "You remember Dr Lee said You had a slipped disc? And You remember that you've been having a backache for the longest time?" Mom refreshed your memory in case You did not remember after that Sleeping Beauty sleep of yours in the hospital. 

"Well, Dr Desplait says your spine is normal and healthy. There is no prolapse. No slipped disc. God has healed You!"

It felt so, so good to be able to tell You that. 

 

 In the train to Lourdes.

DOT 110 : FARAWAY

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Wednesday 16/9/2009) 

Day 7 in Lourdes

5th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

Upon hearing that, hot tears instantly sprang in Mom's eyes. Turning briskly away, she brushed away tell tale signs before going back to your bed side. 

She caught You staring blankly up the ceiling. 

Your look was dazed, your eyes glazed, and your thoughts distant. 

Faraway. 

So very faraway.

Mom was determined to change that. 

Taking your hand, she gave You an assuring squeeze.

Then, Mom asked You as cheerfully as she could, 

"Do You notice something, Daniel?" 

You shook your head slightly, almost disinterestedly, and answered, "No."

"Do You still feel pain in your back?" Mom asked with a big knowing smile. Knowing, because your mother knew God had taken away your back pains.

You thought for a while, like You were checking if your back hurt, and then said, "No."

 

 At the airport in Paris.

 

DOT 109 : PRESSURE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Wednesday 16/9/2009) 

Day 7 in Lourdes

5th day in Hospital (Pao) (afternoon)

 

Now that your spine was all good, and a metastasis was ruled out, the doctor advised that a lumber puncture could help release the increased intracranial pressure. 

He fixed the procedure at 1:30 pm that afternoon.

The procedure was over in five minutes. 

As the fluid was literally shooting out from a specific point on your back, the doctor said that there was "very high pressure" in the head. 

Thinking about it now makes Mom want to cry. It will always be difficult for your mother to remember You in pain.

Reflecting back, we are grateful that God put You to sleep so that You did not feel the build up of intracranial pressure, because this pressure in the cranium as we were aware of, is very painful, dysfunctional and life threatening. 

The doctor collected about 30 ml of fluid. 

You felt much better after that.

Dad asked You whether the procedure hurt. 

You mumbled dully, in a slow tone, 

"I - don't - care - whether - it - hurts - anymore ..." 

 

 Basking in the rays of the Son overlooking the Grotto.

(this photo is taken after hospital stay)

DOT 108 : MIRACLE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Wednesday 16/9/2009) 

Day 7 in Lourdes

5th day in Hospital (Pao) 

 

Mom intercepted, "But he has a slipped disc, it's in his MRI." 

"I guarantee you, there is no slipped disc," assured the doctor again.

Dad and Mom exchanged glances.

Guarantee?

Did the doctor just say guarantee?

Do doctors say guarantee in the first place?

OMG ... 

Dad and Mom could not believe our ears. 

Mom hardly dared to breathe, afraid that she might just wake up and find this conversation only a dream. 

The scan back home showed a prolapsed disc.

Your parents both remember very clearly that your doctor at home had in fact suggested a surgery to correct your back problem, which Mom had firmly dismissed as "crazy" and "out of the question," as You had barely recovered from a major (and your final) brain operation less than a week ago then. 

Good Lord, how many surgeries can a boy take?

Now, the present scan showed that the spine is normal.

How would You explain that?

It slowly dawned on your parents.

OMG ...

There was no other possible explanation.

We were at the Grotto.

The bath ...

It's a miracle! 

 

At the Marian procession one night.

After You were discharged from Pao and Lourdes Hospital.