DOT 209 : HAPPY

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Sunday 27/9/2009) 

Day 18 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 10

 

Michelle and Sophia left about an hour later.

We had embraced and deep in her heart, Mom had to admit she was touched and was grateful for their kind friendship. 

After all, they were strangers. 

They did not have to spend their time with us. 

It is true, that often ... very often ... God uses an unfamiliar, seemingly insignificant, person to carry out His mighty works.

You went for the bath at 2 pm that day.

While Mom and You spent some time at the grotto and thereafter relaxed and rested beyond the stream, Dad went back to the hotel to meet up with Uncle Peter. He was taking Dad to the pharmacy to get your medication which had finished this morning.

Dad came back to meet us at 4:15 pm and said he managed to get the steroids.

As usual, we attended the Blessed Sacrament at 5 pm and Holy Mass at 6 pm, before we went back to the hotel for dinner. You felt better and was able to join us at the dining hall this evening. 

After dinner, we wrote an email home to Justine. Mom started the email greetings and You took over.

You were in a happy mood tonight.

Aunt Diana would be here tomorrow. :D

 

  Mom, Aunty D, You and Justine reading a sign on a tree 

at A' Farmosa, Malacca in April 2009.

DOT 208 : DEAL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Sunday 27/9/2009) 

Day 18 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 10

 

A Priest ...

That was far, far, far from your "What I'd like to be when I grow up" ambition.

The holy idea came about during a very desperate negotiation Mom had with God. 

A plea, a deal, she had attempted to struck with God. What else could she do to entice God to see things her way? 

Of course, she had ignored whatever little voice that appeared in her head, telling her that :

"We cannot tell God what to do. No one tells God what to do. We can only pray that our will is in accordance to God's will, because God's thoughts are not our thoughts. His ways are not our ways."

Still, that did not stop her determined efforts to pester and bug the Lord - continuously. She would do whatever it takes to persuade God to see things her way.

At times when she felt very alone, and could not feel God near at all, she would turn to and cry to Our Lady. 

Your Son is being very unreasonable. What could Your Son possibly want with my son? What could my son possibly do for Your Son up there that he cannot do down here? 

Please Mother Mary, I'm begging You, from a mother to a Mother, please talk to Your Son. Let my son be well and I promise You, my son will serve Your Son for the rest of his life. 

He can be a priest if that's what it takes. 

He can be a priest.

And that's how the priest idea came about. 

 

  You, Mom and Justine on our 2nd day at the grotto.

DOT 207 : PRIEST

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Sunday 27/9/2009) 

Day 18 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 10

 

Michelle had expressed, in an unhurried and soft spoken manner, 

"Do not be discouraged. The challenges in front of us always seem impossible, but when we receive the graces, and we look back, it would seem very small ..."

Pause ...

Yeah, small ... like a dot.

An insignificant dot.

Mom found herself being comforted by their warm support, friendly presence and encouraging words. It was as though two angels had dropped by to pay her a visit and to lend her some strength. 

They had apparently heard about your wanting to become a priest when You recovered, and both said with much enthusiasm that they would pray for You to be well enough to realize that purpose.

A moment's silence.

Priest?

Oh ... 

Oh that ... 

Mom acknowledged awkwardly.

Casting her eyes downwards, Mom was guiltily silent and could not make a comment on that.

 

Picture taken on Sept 12, 2009.

Mass at the grotto.

DOT 206 : FELLOWSHIP

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Sunday 27/9/2009) 

Day 18 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 10

 

Grandma called at 6:30 am in the morning.

Uncle Peter (owner of the hotel), before putting the call through to our room, had said over the phone, 

"It's your mother ..."

Mom did not take the call as she did not want to disturb You. The phone was by our beds. 

You were not well this morning. You had just taken your medication and gone back to sleep. 

Mom told Uncle Peter to inform Grandma to call back later. She did, an hour later, to tell Mom that Aunt Diana will be flying over tonight from Kuala Lumpur, and arriving in Lourdes tomorrow noon.

An instant sense of comfort filled your mother's heart, mind and soul, upon hearing that.

It was 9:30 am.

Dad had gone for Mass with Uncle Peter.

Sophia, the Korean girl, and Michelle, the Malaysia girl (who fasted and prayed for You the day she heard about You from Aunt Laura), came over to the hotel to pay You a visit. 

Mom informed that You were still sleeping.

We spent some fellowship time together and had coffee in the TV lounge. 

Michelle, in the course of our conversation, said some words that Mom felt, had a sprinkling of divine influence. Surely, Mother Mary must have sent her to say those words of comfort.

Taken on Sept 29, 2009.

Aunty D's second day with us.

DOT 205 : DIARY

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

You scribbled the following in Mom's pink diary that night, laying chest down on the bed, your elbows propping yourself up. Mom was right beside You, resting on the bed, whispering a note of thanks to Our Lady that You were well enough to - write. :D

 

By Daniel ... Saturday

Actually, the first thing (You underlined first) I'm gonna do is to check out my brand new PSP. Of course it won't be brand BRAND new once Justine is done with it. THEN, I'll jam all night with Dad on my elec guitar. :D

I'm thinking of getting Jus a new fone - one with bluetooth AND infared bc she's always complainin' about the phone she has now to me. Not that You got her a bad phone, Dad, if you're reading this. Hopefully, she'll be happy with the fone I'm gonna get her.

I'm thinking to get Aunty D and C something nice for Christmas as well. But I can't give Aunty D a phone bc I can't compete with da fones she gets from her bfs. I dun really know what Aunty C likes tho. That's right, this year is all about giving (underlined giving).

I received enough this year - the PSP, elec guitar. I'm quite disappointed that I'm not sitting for PMR. Me and Jus were supposed 2 gt laptops. But actually part of me is quite relieved - I mean I couldn't really prepare for PMR.

Mom just told me 2 rite abt my experience in da baths. It's actually basically me going into ice-freezing water. But every time I go in, I get a little better - I'm happier, I feel better and I just feel like huggin' everyone I see. Julian gave me a snow globe today he said "Whenever you pray, always think of our Lady of Lourdes." This is the 1st time I'm doing this and I feel less of a man ... But 2 be honest, this beats lying down any day. Well mom is sleeping and I guess I should too.

Mother Mary, Immaculate Conseption, Our Lady of Lourdes, help us all to get a goodnights rest so that we may wake up full of life to go to the Grotto tomorrow and pls help me to get better so that I may join Mom and Dad to walk to the Grotto without having to take any trammal (painkiller) and without any pain. That's my goal. Maybe, MAYBE, I'll write again tmr.

C U then.

Chiaozzz ...

Daniel

 

 Taken on Sept 30, 2009.

You struck a few dramatic poses to show, as well as to entertain, 

your Aunty D that You were feeling much better since she arrived. 

We were in the living room of the hotel.

You had us in fits. :D

 

DOT 204 : SCRIBBLE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

You hesitated. 

Mom began, "Just say anything that comes to your mind ..."

You remained silent.

Your mother encouraged further, "If You know for sure that EVERYTHING You say now is going to happen when we get back home, what would You like to see happen?"

You appeared to be thinking.

Mom prompted, as she started scribbling the words, 

"The first thing I'm gonna do is ..."

You took it from there ... Mom continued scribbling as You started to dictate your thoughts out loud.

You said, "The first thing I'm gonna do is to jam all night. I'm going to say HI to Kish. I'm going to keep all my neat gifts in my room, all the rosaries and globe, on my table so I can see them always ..."

At this point, Mom asked if You wanted to write yourself ... and You gladly grabbed the pen and the journal and started scribbling away ... :D

 

Hello Kish ... :D

Kish saw You that night after we left your body in church ... Your family know this to be true ... You followed us home ... When Kish came in through the door with Aunt C, Kish was so very excited ... bouncing and bouncing and bouncing ... and panting and panting and panting ... she couldn't be still ... like she had a little fire cracker that was going off inside her ... We couldn't concentrate on our prayers, she was a major distraction ... prancing around and trying to jump on us like she wanted to tell us something ... 

Mom thinks, if Kish could talk, she would have said, "Daniel's here! Daniel's here! He's surrounded by stars! It's so bright! Can't you people see him? He's here!" Honestly, we have never seen her behave in that manner before, and after that one time, she never behaved that way again. That's because Jesus raised You up on the third day as He promised He would. Now You are safe with the Lord. Praise JESUS for that.

DOT 203 : DISTRACTION

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

After dinner that night, Dad went to the grotto.

We had attended the Blessed Sacrament that evening at 5 pm followed by the Holy Mass at 6 pm. You had stayed in the TV room after a late lunch, and was watching an American TV show in French. 

That night, Mom was with You in the room. 

After reading a few chapters of The Life Of Mary, with You listening very intently, Mom closed the book and put it aside.

She reached for her floral pink journal on the bedside desk, found a pen, and posed a question.

"What is the first thing You want to do when You get home?"

Mom wanted to create a little excitement for You as a - distraction. 

She felt it was important for You to be able to see beyond our impossible circumstance during that challenging period the last few days and to look forward to something nice that You might want to do.

On your birthday (and Dad's) on Christmas Eve, 2008.

Justine, Aunty Carol and You at Grandma's house.

DOT 202 : LIONS

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

At the time of uttering that assurance, Mom was betting with her life that all those multiple lesions that the neuro-specialist at Pao Hospital had advised from a brain scan taken at Lourdes hospital, had been miraculously frozen and could no longer hurt You. 

The shadows might remain on the scan, and that was what the doctors had seen, but the body would soon clear them out of the system, she had managed to convince herself.

Aunt Laura had shared an encouraging thought with Mom after the doctor's frightening announcement at Pao, "that God would have shut the mouths of those lesions. Have faith."

Just like the biblical story of Daniel who was thrown into a den that was filled with hungry lions. God had sealed the mouths of the lions so that Daniel would not be harmed. Mom found herself clinging on to God's promise with every fiber in her being that your lions too had been tamed by the good Lord.

How else could she carry on if there were no hope?

She would do all she could to the best of her ability to keep the slightest spark of whatever hope there was, alive and burning.

For her son, there must continue to be hope. 

 

Justine and You at Grandma's birthday dinner in May 2009.

DOT 201 : PLAN

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

"You know why I wrote that line on the last page?"

Mom raised the question.

You replied, 

"Because You don't know when I'm gonna get the miracle ..."

"Yes, that's right ... and You know what? We don't have to know when. As long as we haven't got the miracle, we haven't reached our destination and our journey continues. Okay?"

Mom was careful to emphasize that, this, was only a journey. 

"We don't care how long it's gonna take us, we just have to know deep in our hearts that everything will be okay in the end ... and if it's not okay, it's not the end yet," she finished firmly.

Silence ...

"That's the plan, okay? You like the plan?" Mom asked.

"Yeah ..." Your lazy smile was back.

"Remember Daniel, it's just water You have in your head," Mom reminded confidently. 

It wasn't exactly the truth but it wasn't a lie either.

 

May 29, 2009 ... At Grandma's birthday dinner at Italiannies, Gardens.

DOT 200 : QUIT

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

After awhile, You turned around. 

"I have decided ..." You paused momentarily.

Mom turned to look at You, propping herself up on her elbow.

"I'm not gonna quit," You finished with a grim, that was quickly replaced with a little, almost reluctant smile. Mom reached over and gave your hand a little squeeze. The Holy Spirit was / is definitely working in You.

"Praise God, Daniel. That's my boy. There's nothing to quit. We'll just carry on, and do what we have to do, and leave the rest to Jesus. We'll do our part and God will do His part. When it's time to go home, Mother Mary will tell us, then we'll go home ..."

Our spirits were somehow recharged. You nodded in agreement. More importantly, your smile was back to light up your face.

Mom reached out for her pink journal, and said to You, 

"Why don't we do this ..."

Flipping over to the back page of her journal, she scribbled these words down as she read each word out aloud :

"Daniel - receives - his - miracle - in - the - end."

Taken on Sept 28, 2009.

Aunty Diana was with us then for 4 days. 

DOT 199 : PROMISE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

"Let's do that, shall we?" Mom asked with much enthusiasm.

Your mother added, 

"We're not going anywhere at the moment. So why don't we go to the grotto everyday for the next 15 days? We've already done 9 days anyway. We'll bathe in the spring waters and drink from it. We'll just do what She tells us to do, and we leave the rest to Her ... 

Mother Mary wants You to stay here for awhile, Daniel, otherwise we would not have missed our flight home. Can You imagine the Mother of God asking the 14 year old pheasant girl if she could kindly come to the grotto daily for the next 15 days?"

"I'm 14 years old too," You reminded rather proudly.

Your mother smiled ... before turning away with a sinking feeling as she remembered that Our Lady had also said to Bernadette, 

"I can't promise You happiness in this world, but in the other..." 

Mom chose not to mention that. 

That line did not seem to be for your benefit. 

Nor her's.

Moving over to the bed next to You, Mom flopped down on the mattress and dropped heavily back. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and her knees were bent at the edge of the bed. 

With one hand resting lightly on your back, your mother continued to ramble on and on and on, trying to assure You that everything was going to be alright.  

 We were so not going home yet ...

Picture taken on Sept 29, 2009.

DOT 198 : FIFTEEN

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

"I don't know what God's plans are for us, Daniel. All I know is that God loves You. Mother Mary loves You too ... very very much. You must know that by now. We came here for two miracles. We've received the first one already. You remember how painful your spine was. Now do You still feel the pain?"

Slowly, You shook your head ... with half your face still buried in the pillow.

Your mother rambled on, 

"We don't question God. We just do what we're supposed to do. We do our part, and we let God do His part. God already showed us one miracle just so we would believe. The second miracle is just a matter of time. Since we're not going home yet, why don't we continue to go to the grotto for 15 days?

Mother Mary had in fact said to Bernadette, 

Would You be so kind as to come here every day for the next 15 days?" Mom reminded with enthusiasm.

"Imagine Her asking You that now, Daniel," Mom said with encouragement.

"Imagine Mother Mary asking You," she repeated, 

"Daniel, would You be so kind as to come here every day for the next 15 days? Drink from the spring waters and wash yourself in it ..."

 

 Taken Nov 27, 2008 at the waterfall resort.

DOT 197 : RAMBLE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

Caught off guard by your question, Mom found herself speechless for a moment.

Holding your gaze in mid air, she racked her brains for something to say ... anything ... but nothing came to mind. 

Every ounce of breath was squeezed out of her body as she saw your eyes welled up, before two big drops of tears rolled down your cheeks. 

Seeing your disappointment, your mother felt her heart being ripped apart. 

We had faithfully completed the 9 days of novena, and we could not help but notice that the miracle we have been praying for, was still pretty much - missing.

You hopped off the carriage abruptly, brushed past your mother, got into the elevator which was a few steps away. 

Mom ran up the stairs, as there was only one elevator. We were on the first floor. Aunt Laura had moved us from the fourth floor to the first when we extended our stay beyond the initial five days.

In the room, Mom found You on the bed. 

You were lying on your side, your back facing the window. Mom sat down beside You, with your back facing her. 

Wrapping You in her arms, and holding You close, she starting to ramble from one thing to another, in the hope of uttering something that would be of some assurance and comfort to You. 

 

 On the train to Lourdes on our first day.

DOT 196 : SILENCE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

You were quiet and appeared to be deep in your thoughts.

We made our way back to the hotel.

Arriving at the hotel, Dad pushed your carriage through the basement door, at the lower ground, while Mom held the door open. You were lying quite still on the carriage.

Leaving Mom and You to take our time to get to the dining hall, Dad left us and went ahead to the kitchen to prepare some lunch.

As You slowly pushed yourself up to a sitting position, Mom folded up the woolen blankets. 

You sat very still. 

Mom turned to look at You, and You returned her gaze. 

No words were spoken.

Finally, You broke the silence and asked quietly,

"Actually Mom ... what's wrong with me?"

 

Taken at a Health Cafe on July 30, 2009.

DOT 195 : FEAT

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

Mom watched You as You swung your legs down and slowly, got down from the stretcher-carriage. 

She found herself almost holding her breath as You walked over to Dad and her. Dad greeted You with open arms as You lowered yourself and sat by the bench with us. 

That was today's big accomplishment, your mother mentally noted to jot down in her journal later.

As we relaxed and allowed our senses to soak up the tranquility of the surroundings, Mom sighed her relief and remarked that somehow, we had managed to complete the 9 days of our novena. 

That was no easy feat. 

Some days were easier than others, she admitted, but we managed to pull through all the same to complete the 9 days.

It was an achievement definitely. 

Thank God for that. Our Lady was holding your hand at all times, and we could feel Her divine intervention from day to day. 

God surely has His plans.

 

 Sept 28, 2009

DOT 194 : IMMERSE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Saturday 26/9/2009) 

Day 17 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 9

 

This morning, You went to the bath on the carriage.

At the bath, one of the hospitaliers by the name of Sean, gave dad his contact card. He was going back to Ireland the next day. He wanted us to keep in touch and to let him know your progress in the future.

That same day, Julian, another bath volunteer who has been seeing You almost on a daily basis, gave You a little snow globe, that had tiny figurines of Bernadette kneeling before Our Lady. 

He too would be leaving Lourdes, and flying home to Australia. He told Dad and Mom that You have been able to immerse your whole head into the water lately. 

Day by day, we witnessed You getting a little better.

After the bath, and the usual spending of some time at the grotto, we pushed your carriage to the opposite side of the stream and stayed in the sun till about 2 pm. 

Once again, it was a beautiful, sunny day. 

Today, You wanted to tan only your legs. So Dad had to position your carriage at an angle that had the shade of the tree on your face with your legs exposed to the sun. 

After a while, You managed to bring yourself up to a sitting position.

 

Sept 29, 2009

Aunty Diana took this photo of You.

DOT 193 : KEPOH

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes   

Daniel (14+ years old) (Friday 25/9/2009) 

Day 16 in Lourdes

NOVENA DAY 8

 

Extraction of Mom's email to Aunt Jessie in USA

back at hotel. 

he rested with bryan while i cooked lunch. his appetite was good. it was about 4 pm then. 5 pm, we went for the benediction. we didn't join the procession though, just went directly to the underground basilica. 

after that went back to hotel. now bryan and i are having dinner, while dans is taking a nap. will feed him when awake.

the choir thing was short lived.

that night, during the choir, there was a rosary meditation. it's really weird but during that time, my rosary broke. you can imagine my horror - cos i was panicking wondering what kind of sign that was. 

anyway, that same night in the hotel room, it broke again another 2 times. this was wed night. on thursday, becos dans was not on top form, i couldn't participate in the choir - so that was the end of my lourdes singing career - i think mother mary is telling me to just focus on my son, and don't be so kepoh.

dans is letting me use his rosary, blessed by the pope, given to him by a man on the first day in the grotto. dans is using a huge one given by a red indian - you can't misplace it - it's big.

talk to you again. gotta go feed the child.

chare

 

Aunty Carol took this photo of You (altar boy on right)