DOT 91 : AMEN

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes (evening) …  

 

Thankfully, we had packed some medication in case of emergency, steroids to reduce pressure in the brain and anti-fit pills. 

Your doctor would normally prescribe that for a few days, while scheduling You for operation. 

At one time, Justine and You followed Grandma to Penang to attend Uncle C’s wedding in November 2007, and You apparently fell from your bed in the hotel with a loud thud, waking Justine and Grandma up. 

They were shocked to find You on the floor having a seizure. 

Grandma frantically called Mom (in KL) over the phone and said that she could not wake You up.

You can imagine how Dad and Mom felt, getting a call like that, especially when You had never (ever) had a seizure before. 

That was your first time away from us. 

Mom urgently asked Grandma to call Uncle Chris (KL). 

Grandma did. 

Uncle Chris prayed for You over the phone, and after the prayer, Grandma said, at Amen, You opened your eyes. 

Now You can understand why we are reluctant to let You out of our sight. When You went for your church camps, Dad and Mom had to book into a hotel nearby, for our own peace of mind. 

Anyway, we never thought of packing your medication with You on that trip to Penang. 

 In the coach from Paris airport to train station ...

DOT 90 : MEDICATION

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes (evening) …

“Here are your pills, Daniel …”

You were in bed. 

You turned around, stretched your hand out for your medication which You swallowed in one gulp with a glass of water. 

Then You lay back on your pillow, shut your eyes, and tried to take a nap. You did not want to talk, Mom could see that, and she did not attempt to ask or tell You anything. 

Ask … there was plenty she wanted to ask, but tell … she had nothing. 

Anxiously, she tried to reason in her mind what had happened. 

Before You went for the bath, You had agonizing back pains, but ONLY back pains. 

Your head was all good. 

Now, after the bath, your back was apparently worse than before and what was more, the headache had come back.

The headache came back? 

It just did not make sense. 

At all previous times, whenever You say the dreaded word “headache,” it indicated a recurrence. You have never had a headache that went away with two panadols. 

Your headache was always the first sign that the naughty cell had returned, and You had to be treated eventually with an open brain surgery. 

Your last and final surgery was in June 2009. 

That was only 3 months ago. 

It came back already??? 

 

Justine took this photo of You posing in front of the Basilica of the Rosary.

DOT 89 : HEADACHE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes …

You said nothing. 

Instead, You gave her a look of total disillusionment. 

She will never forget that look of disappointment on your face. Before she could say something encouraging, You abruptly turned around and took off. 

You walked fast, like You were hurrying. 

Mom called You, but You continued walking really fast. She half-walked and half-ran after You, kept yelling for You to wait up. 

You ignored her, and continued to walk briskly, taking the route back to the hotel. 

Mom finally caught up with You. Grabbing hold of your arm, she spun You around. She was panting breathlessly as she asked, 

“Daniel, what’s wrong??” 

You did not turn. 

She saw You biting your lip. She had to quicken her steps to walk at your fast pace, as You refused to stop or slow down.

At the entrance of the hotel, Mom pulled at your arm. 

Searching your face, she asked again, 

“What happened? What’s wrong?” 

Without turning to look at your mother, You replied in a short, abrupt monosyllable, that left her cold and numb. She felt her legs gave way as you uttered the dreaded word…

“Headache …” 

 

 If only we could turn back the clock ...

DOT 88 : BATH

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes …

The line at the Ladies were much longer than the Men’s, as a result of which, we only met up with Dad and You at about 3:30 pm. 

What Mom heard about the Bath, that you immerse yourself totally naked with only a plastic wrap around you, in freezing cold ice water, and upon coming out of the water, you’re dry immediately … they are all true. 

There were about 150 ladies who were at the Bath that time, and none had to use a towel to dry themselves. 

Everyone just came out dry. 

Including Mom.

And Grandma.

It felt really good, like a spiritual cleansing.

Justine said, when You came out to meet her, You had a big grin on your face although You were shivering. 

You were like, “Brrrrr, it’s so cold...” apparently.

We had a late lunch at one of the quaint little cafes opposite the Grotto. There, we had the most delicious spaghetti bolognese we have ever tasted in our entire lives. It was lip-smackin’ good. Out of this world. 

Truly, the best we have ever had! 

You seemed to enjoy the food although Mom felt You were a bit preoccupied with your own thoughts.

After lunch, we were walking back to the hotel. 

Mum noticed that You were very quiet. 

You were still having your back pains. 

Mom asked, "What's wrong?" 

Justine and You were entertaining yourselves 

while waiting for the rest of us to meet up ...

DOT 87 : CROISSANTS

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old) 

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 2 in Lourdes …

A beautiful morning. 

We had a hearty breakfast of fresh croissants with creamy butter and all kinds of fruit jams, and freshly brewed coffee. 

Justine and You treated yourselves to a few tubs of yogurt and drank milk and juice after the croissants. 

What a treat!

After breakfast, we took a slow walk to the Grotto. 

We stopped by several souvenir shops, snapped photos here, there and everywhere. We wanted to make the most of our short time there. 

We were after all, going home in 3 days’ time ... as planned. 

At 10 am, Mom, Justine and Grandma, followed a small group of pilgrims who were going up the hill leading to the Stations of the Cross. 

You rested on a bench with Dad. You did not feel like walking up the hill at the time because of your back.

At 12 noon, Grandma and Mom went to queue up at the Bath, which would open at 2 pm. 

Aunt Laura, the lady who owns the hotel with her husband Peter, had told us that we'd have to queue as early as 2 hours before opening time, to make sure we "get in."

Justine did not follow, as she was having her ‘best friend.’ 

We all agreed to meet at a certain bench at 3 pm. 

 

 Posing by a souvenir shop ...

DOT 86 : FIRE

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old)

Thursday, September 10, 2009 

Day 1 at the Grotto

The night was very cool but pitch dark ... 

except for a sea of little flames flickering from hundreds and hundreds of candles. Although there was a huge crowd, the procession was quite orderly. 

You were very engrossed with all the singing, and You sang with all your heart, swaying from side to side as we often see You do when serving on the Altar in church back home.

Justine, on the other hand, was a little tired from the journey. At one point, your sister nodded off during the Open Mass, and only got up with a start when a portion of the bottom of her hair caught fire from the flame of her candle. 

A small commotion ensued after that, with You cupping your mouth hard to stop yourself from bursting out with laughter as your sister frantically fanned the fire off her hair. 

Despite your laughs and giggles, several photos taken revealed your expression all screwed-up with agony from your back pains despite taking painkillers. 

Not once did You make a fuss or complaint. 

You said nothing at all because You knew, and Mom knew, that a miracle was on its way. 

Just like You knew that the back pains of the prolapsed disc could only be temporary. God would heal You.

In what way, and on which day, that was the question at the top of our minds.

Not Yours.

Your faith was steadfast. 

With God on our side, nothing can be against us ...

 

During the open mass at Our Lady's Grotto. 

We were seated on the ground.

 

DOT 85 : MODEL

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old)

Thursday, September 10, 2009 

Day 1 in Lourdes
 

We met Uncle Peter and Aunt Laura who own and manage the hotel. Aunt Laura showed us to our rooms on the 4th floor. 

When You saw your bed, You flopped on to it face and chest down, hands outstretched, and your long legs dangling over the edge. Justine followed suit. 

Grandma sat politely by her bed, and admired the quilt cover. 

Dad and Mom’s room was right opposite. 

We rested a bit, showered, and went downstairs to the dining hall for dinner at 7:30 pm. 

While waiting for our meal, Justine and you went out to the court yard, to snap some “So You Think You Can Be A Model” shots of each other. :D

After a delicious dinner of pumpkin soup, meat loaf, potatoes, quiche and chocolate éclair for dessert, Aunt Laura brought us to the Grotto, which was about 5 minutes walk away from the hotel. 

There would be a Marian Candle Light Procession at 9 am. 

We were ready with our candles.

 

On the way to Our Lady's Grotto ...

DOT 84 : KNOCK

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes 

Daniel (14+ years old)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

We arrived in Charles De Gaulle Airport (Paris) ...

about 7 am in the morning. After exiting the airport, we took a coach to the train station to catch the 10:30 am train to Lourdes. 

We were very early, and so we hung out at a sandwich bar at the train station for about an hour before it was time to board the train.

When we finally boarded the train, Dad and Mom snapped many photos of the both of You, mucking about and making all kinds of poses. 

During the journey, it must be mentioned here that You knocked your head twice against a metal bar which jutted out from between Justine’s seat and yours. 

Both knocks were hard, and You reacted like your head was spinning after that. You were just so excited about everything, eagerly pointing to your sister the windmill and the green pastures on the right side of the window, and the brown cows that were grazing lazily on the never-ending meadow, on the left. 

So excited were You that You were turning to your right, and then left, and right, and left again, to look out of the window ... and that was how You knocked your head. 

View the photo that was uploaded on Saturday 17/4/2010 @ 12:08 am in your Facebook and You will remember that darn metal bar that protruded out.  Mom's gonna upload the photo here.

The impact of the knock resulted in a small brain haemorrage which would be revealed to us only later.

We arrived at the Lourdes Station at 4 pm, and took a cab to Hotel DuCalvaire. 

It was a short ride of about 10 minutes or so. Upon stepping into the hotel, we were pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a nice and homely environment. 

 

On the train to Lourdes ...

DOT 83 : AIRPORT

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

Daniel (14+ years old)  

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

 

We were not keen to put You through another surgery ... 

especially when there was no guarantee that after the operation, the disc would stay in place. 

We have heard of friends who had prolapsed disc repositioned correctly through surgery, yet after a while, the disc slipped back out. 

Anyway, your doctor said, that You were still young and agile, and it could heal easily on its own in time. He gave You painkillers to take care of that for the time being. 

Despite the painkillers, You could still feel the agonizing pinch on your lower spine from time to time. It kills Mom each time she thinks of You having to go through those - those - stupid pains.

We arrived at the Airport at 8:30 pm. 

After checking-in, we had dinner at Coffee Bean. 

Aunt Diana sent a text message to remind Mom to get some sleeping pills to help You sleep through the flight. 

You were in quite a bit of discomfort because of your back, and your aunt felt it would be easier for You if You slept through most of the flight. So Mom went to the Pharmacy to get some sleeping tablets.

God is good.  God was / is with us.

He ensured we had a smooth and comfortable flight to Paris.

 

We arrived at the Paris airport early in the morning ...

This is the outfit You wore when You went home to Jesus and Mary. 

The white / grey jumper and your favorite jeans.

DOT 82 : IRRITATED

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010)

Daniel (14+ years old)  

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

“Today is the day. We are going on our trip to Lourdes!!!”

We were all packed and ready to go. Dad has called the Limo Cab, which was coming to pick us up at 7:30 pm from the condo to KLIA. 

You and Justine were so excited. 

For a while there, You forgot all about your back pains. 

Yes, back pains.

Exactly, how you got those back pains, we will never know. After your last surgery in June 2009, while You were at home recuperating, You yelled loudly in pain one day. 

This happened the day after You were discharged from hospital and your first day at home. You experienced excruciating pains on your lower back. Dad and Mom were so shocked, because You did not display these pains in the hospital. 

Only right then.

We brought You to the hospital and an MRI was done immediately. Your doctor wanted to eliminate the possibility of a metastasis. 

Thank God, your spine was clear and normal EXCEPT for the dislocation at the tail end of the spine. How that disc happened to jut out, we do not know. 

What we do know is, You had a dislocated disc and the dis-alignment was clearly confirmed by your scan. The doctor said, it could be corrected by surgery. 

You had barely recovered from a major brain surgery a week ago, and the doctor was suggesting another surgery? Mom was starting to get very irritated by your doctor.

Did he think we were like asking for a second helping of mutton briyani?

Could he have another surgery, please???

 Taking a break at Uncle S's waterfall resort.

DOT 81 : INVITATION

THE FINAL CHAPTER : A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY (Sept 2009 to Jan 2010) 

At the Grotto of Our Immaculate Conception, in Lourdes

Daniel (14+ years old) (Sunday, October 4, 2009)

We have been in Lourdes for 25 days now. 

Mom went to see Father Terry for confession today. She told the priest of all that has happened to us in Lourdes, and he listened very attentively. 

At the end, Mom said, 

“We’re going home tomorrow. 

We’ll bring Daniel here every year until he fully recovers.”

The Priest was quick to say, 

“Wait for Our Lady to invite first. Only come upon Her invitation. You are here now because She wants you to be here.” 

The Priest gave Mom a knowing nod. He held her gaze steadily as she mentally fumbled with a hundred and one questions as to what that message meant. 

Pause ...

She ignored the sudden goosebumps that had suddenly crept up her arms and the back of her neck. He made it sound like we would not be bringing You here to Lourdes next year. All her hopes that her Son would recover, little by little each day, were shredded instantly. 

This couldn’t be Daniel’s first and last trip here, she had thought numbly.

Could it? 

With grim determination, Mom forcefully pushed all negative thoughts out of her head, and mentally pieced her shattered hopes together again, as she stepped out of the confession box. 

She did however, come to the understanding that, even if you had an itch or an urge to go to Lourdes, you’d probably not find yourself there unless you get the call first. 

That part was very clear.

And so, reflecting back … when our family decided to go on this humble pilgrimage to Lourdes, it was upon Our Lady’s invitation. 

Plain and simple. 

From September 9 to 13, 2009. 

That was the original plan. 

5 days and 4 nights only.

Little did we know then, that God had His own plans … 

 

 On the plane to France ...

God was / is definitely watching over You, Daniel ...

DOT 60 : BENIGN

Daniel (7+ years old) 

One month after surgery ...

 

Mom got in touch with some survivors on the internet who had the same deadly cell as You, and at first was comforted that everyone on the survivors’ site spoke positively and was encouraging one another to fight and battle on. 

There were about twelve survivors on the site at the time she checked. They ranged from children to elderly people, all of whom had the same challenge.

As years went by, You never knew this, but You survived them all. 

Once, about four years after your first surgery, when You asked about the friends from the site, Mom mumbled that she could not find the link anymore. 

She lied. 

She had to. 

There was no way for your mother to tell You that the word "deceased" had appeared under some of the survivors' profile photos then.

You left it at that and never brought it up again.

On hindsight ... 

Dad and Mom may have stepped into the doctor's office to have the “malignant” word slammed into their faces, but when they stepped out, they radiated with everything that was “benign.” 

You were too young to understand anything. 

Besides, Dad and Mom were never pressured into explaining the real situation to You. Or to anyone else for that matter. 

You were busy living a normal and a happy childhood.

Life was back to normal …

 

 At the Grand Canyon during our trip to the States in 2004 ...

DOT 59 : OLIGO

Daniel (7+ years old) 

One month after surgery ...

Malignant …

Mom's heart made a dive down down down to uncharted waters.

Oligodendroglioma & astrocytoma … 

The names of the two strains of naughty cells that were extracted from the surgery. 

What fancy names for such deadly cells. 

Follow-up treatments were recommended, of which Mom was familiar from Grandad and Aunty Tracy’s experiences.

Radiation on the brain presented obvious risks. Besides, there was no guarantee that You would have normal functions after that. 

Chemotherapy was out of the question. 

It really did not make sense to hurt the whole body when the problem was only in the head, and "everything" had been removed after all. 

Had it not? 

That question was never discussed somehow, but the answer came to light when You had a recurrence one and half years later. 

It had not.

At home, Dad made some searches on the internet to learn more of this naughty cell. Really, there was nothing good about it. 

Not one thing. 

Survival rate was dismal. 

If Mom remembers correctly, Dad had said something like, only 20% of survivors would live past 2 years ... 

 

 Your first Holy Communion ...

DOT 58 : BIOPSY

Daniel (7+ years old) 

One month after your first surgery ...

“These are the findings of the biopsy,” 

said your doctor, handing the medical report to Dad.

Dad took the report. 

At the same time, Mom got up from her seat. Taking your hand, she led You out of the room, where Justine was engrossed playing with her gameboy right outside. 

You ran to your sister, jumped up the seat beside her. Soon You were excitedly cheering her on. Mom watched the both of You playing happily together, and a dull ache began to beat in her chest. She went back into the room, with a rock weighing her heart down. 

Dad appeared to be reading the report carefully. 

When he finished, Dad passed the piece of paper to Mom. Who would have thought that a few lines in a seemingly harmless piece of paper would hold the fate of their child?

Something has clearly happened that was about to turn their lives upside down. 

The doctor was talking to Dad.

Mom was not listening. 

Her concentration was on that sheet of paper. 

She did not need to read the whole thing. Her eyes quickly scanned through the paper. She stopped short in her tracks as she caught sight of the dreaded word she had not want to see but did. 

Your Grandfather and your Aunt Tracy’s medical reports both had this very devastating and glaring word. That one word that would cause her world to crumble at her feet. She inwardly summoned all the strength she never knew she had in her, to maintain and retain her composure ...

God, why ??? Why ???

 

 See how engrossed Justine and You were?

Wild horses couldn't drag you both away from the game machine.

DOT 57 : PEE

Daniel (7+ years old) 

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

Discharged on Friday, November 15, 2002

 

Yes, Aunty Jessie visited You in the ICU the day after your surgery. We were waiting for your room in the Children's Ward to be vacated, and so You were still in the ICU. 

Your room was soon ready and You were transferred around noon time that day.

Aunty Jessie  wrote about the portable urinal which brought back memories Mom has forgotten. Yes, Mom remembers with a smile the first time You laid eyes on the portable potty ...

Your catheter had been removed. 

You needed to pee, and Dad had brought the urinal to You.

You looked at it and asked, "What's that?" 

Dad replied, "It's for You to pee. You pee inside this." 

Your eyes widen with delight, and You exclaimed, 

"Really??? Coooool!!!" 

For the rest of the day, You tried to find as many "I have to pee" moments. Yes, You did entertain us with all the pee - drama.

The day after (on Thursday), You felt progressively better. 

Justine climbed up your bed and You both started using the remote to move the bed up up up up, and down down down down ... up up up again, and down down down ... 

You two were squealing when the bed was at its highest, and only stopped playing with the remote when there was a loud cranking noise that came within the mechanics of the bed. Uh oh ...

You were discharged on Friday (November 15, 2002). 

We went straight to Sunway Lagoon to attend Dad and Mom's company's convention which was held at the place that weekend. 

Your doctor had commented that your recovery was very fast, and You were well enough to go home even though it was only 3 days since You underwent a delicate open brain surgery.

Praise the Lord! 

 

We celebrated Justine's birthday on November 20, 2002,

5 days after You were discharged from the hospital.

DOT 56 : POTTY

Daniel (7+ years old) 

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

 

Aunty Jessie wrote this entry on your facebook on March 21, 2010.

(continue from Dot 55)

You were talking, laughing, jumping around, creating  havoc ... even the nurses had to come in several times to ask us all to keep it down. 

"Didn't this boy just had a brain surgery?" 

must have been the question in everybody's minds. =)

After unwrapping bags full of toys, You were jumping for joy and bouncing about in the room and on the bed with Jus. 

Suddenly your interest was focused on something sitting by your bedside ... your portable potty. 

You were so fascinated by it and thought it was the coolest thing in the world ... 

Like who invented this stuff anyway ... 

It's brilliant! 

You were already walking and moving about and yet when it came to bathroom time, You would so cheekily ask everyone to turn the other way as You ran to different corners of the room to pee in that portable potty of yours. 

You may have just pretended to pee ... 

but You were simply hilarious ... 

You made us all laugh so hard ... 

You were such a clown running around from wall to wall with that portable potty in your hand ... 

You caused such a riot which led to yet another kind and patient reminder by the nurses to:

"Keep it down, PLEASE ... babies sleeping ..."

 

Here's You with Aunty Jessie and your favorite cat in the whole wide world ...